Monday, 9 February 2009

Optipess

Since I'm driving myself crazy coming up with random things I'm going to blog. It's probably going to be my stream of consciousness, if i can keep up with it, and not likely to make sense. Sorry but I'm going to blog selfishly this time!

Some of the things I've recently thought of:
> I need to change my desktop background, it's annoying me.
> I need to get a life. This one deserves an explanation though. I know I have one. What I also know is that I'm convinced I'm not using it properly. To be entirely honest, I don't think any human knows how it's mean to be used, what the real meaning of having a life is. I think we all just coast or try to "live" as best we can, never knowing if it's the right thing that we're doing. Melodramatic, I know, but as you could have anticipated.. it goes on. That's where God comes into the picture. Or is visible from this perspective. That's a new thought too, I like it. Since we're all less than perfect, we can't achieve this whole "having a life" business, except through Him, and I solemnly believe it has a lot to do with living entirely and unselfishly for Him. Much as I think it's far beyond my capabilites, I'm not going to let that stop me trying.
> I over-analyze. Nothing new there, it's almost my job.
> I really needed to unleash that essay two bullets above. Makes a lot of sense to me now that it's written out, and I might just adopt it as my personal philosophy. Fits right in really, pessimistic yet stupidly reckless (in the terms of that pessimism) and still highly hopeful and optimistic.
> I think I just combined optimism and pessimism. That really shouldnt make any sense but I think it does. Maybe our definition of them isn't correct. Maybe they can coexist in a person, actually I'm pretty sure they can. If you're still reading, please dont misinterpret the forwardness of it all, as i said, Im making this bypass the sense department of my brain and sending it straight to my keyboard. I'm not even re-reading.
> Fallacy is subjective. We accuse people of being fake, but how can we know? When you see a picture of yourself you can tell if you're truly happy or if its just a fake smile, no matter how fooled everyone else is. Please don't think I'm depressed, I'm just putting this out there. No-one knows the inside, the passions, the reasons behind decisions, they can be concealed, edited or blocked out. As I learnt this morning, no matter how adept at blocking things you may be, they can find their way to the surface, and they always do. Admitting that was hard cause this characteristic annoys me in other people, but hey, who am i to be above the habit?
> I just understood something else, but since it affects other people slightly(/much) more than it does me, I won't divulge.
> I can't believe I was right.
> I never realised how much i liked to keep people guessing, if it isnt working then don't tell me, I don't feel like knowing.
> I'm influenced, and thats both exciting and scary in more ways than one. And I still can't be sure if it's a good or a bad thing.
> This won't change.
> I'm glad this hasn't. If it had, a lot would have been different and most definitely not as amazing.
> I think I'm snapping out and I'd rather I didn't.
> Can inside really be more fun than being on the outside? I'm not sure if that's just me, but somehow I don't think so.
> What's the opposite of being claustrophobic, and i dont mean being scared of open spaces, but rather a liking of closed spaces?
> This is too easy.
> I know it's something I've wanted since I was eight, but I lost it, got it back and managed to lose it again. Wish it would come back. Or has it and I haven't noticed? I should check that out. Or maybe this is a testament to it's presence, a slight nudge in the ribs reminding me it never left and telling me I hid it myself. Wouldn't put it past me, I have a habit of doing silly things.
> I want tea.. mmm (:
I had better be off. I have real things to do... like living for example....